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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26862505">How Life Could Have Been</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/GiuGiu/pseuds/GiuGiu'>GiuGiu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>changing the world [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Hogwarts Fifth Year, Idiots in Love, M/M, Medicinal Drug Use, Mutual Pining, Valentine's Day</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:55:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,617</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26862505</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/GiuGiu/pseuds/GiuGiu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius scrawled a note and passive aggressively leaned over Lily’s (HIS) desk to hand it to Remus. Lily, not so subtly, tried to read it, so Sirius let her.</p><p>Of course, it was all runes. Her frustrated glare felt like a soothing balm to his ego.</p><p>To be of -- a far place -- within the craftsmanship -- of the knowing of -- the eldest sticks and fruits -- was the direct translation. Of course, it meant something closer to "wanna skive off Arithmancy?"</p><p>- part of a series, but can be read alone -</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>changing the world [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1959592</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>129</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>How Life Could Have Been</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this one isn't really about werewolf rights, so if that's what you're here for... sorry</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>February hit Hogwarts hard, a Valentine’s fever was taking over the school. Or maybe it just felt that way this year. Where girls had more or less ignored Sirius in previous years, they seemed to be purposefully arranging themselves near him at all times now. </p><p>It made him uncomfortable. But being that he was Sirius Black, he pretended to love it. It almost felt like a dance some days.</p><p>He’d walk to the Great Hall and a girl would purposefully trip and spill her books for him to gallantly collect for her with a wink.</p><p>He’d find the seat Remus saved for him at breakfast, only to have a girl squeak and fall into his lap with insincere apologies about her friend pushing her and Sirius would laugh and hand her a piece of toast.</p><p>He’d turn around in Potions to pass a note to James, and catch sight of some Slytherin girl sucking on a Sugar Quill while making keen eye-contact, so he would bite his lip lewdly in response.</p><p>He was late to Ancient Runes (a first year girl had asked him to go to Hogsmeade with her, which was just… ew. But of course she had burst into tears when he turned her down, which was again, ew.) and found Remus sitting next to Lily.</p><p>Or, more accurately, he found Lily Evans in <em> his </em> seat.</p><p>The dog in him wanted to claim his territory. </p><p>But the logical side of him (yes, he did have one, despite what Remus said) just took the seat on her other side. James would be pissed if he bit Lily. </p><p>“You aren’t in this class.” He greeted her. “Polite” was not a word commonly used to describe Sirius Orion Black.</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus said in warning.</p><p>“Hello, Black,” Lily said with a smile. And Sirius had to admit it was impressive that she could be so condescending with only two words. She tilted her head back slightly, her red hair swooshing gracefully to the side, and gave him a purposeful once over with vibrant green eyes.</p><p>And then Sirius remembered why James was so gone on her.</p><p>“You’re in my seat,” Sirius blurted, and behind Lily, Sirius could see Remus slump in embarrassment over his friend’s manners.</p><p>“Am I? How odd, because I was here on time and you weren’t in it.” She busily started unpacking her bag, laying out her parchment and quill on <em> his </em> desk. “If you wanted this seat, you shouldn’t have shown up late.”</p><p>“Why are you even here?” Maybe it was silly to care so much about sitting next to Remus, but this was the one class they had without James and Peter, and it was nice to have his friend to himself.</p><p>“I swapped out of Divination.” She whispered as their professor started addressing the class about turning in their homework. Which Sirius had not completed. But Sirius was too busy contemplating killing James Potter to even act ashamed when Remus subtly waved his translations homework at him in a silent <em> have you done it?  </em></p><p>Because why would Lily transfer into Ancient Runes in the middle of their fifth year, unless James was somehow behind it? He had been overly interested in the spelled quills that only wrote in romantic couplets during their last Hogsmeade trip.</p><p>This was not the first time James’ terrible seduction attempts had backfired on him and his friends. This wasn’t even the worst time really (although they tended to avoid mentioning the Black Lake Disaster of 1972). But, perhaps irrationally, this was the only one that felt like a betrayal.</p><p>And so, Ancient Runes went predictably poorly.</p><p>Remus, who had the (unfathomable) instinct of helping the helpless, had to constantly explain their translations to Lily. Who seemed completely lost, but also completely optimistic. So, Sirius was being ignored. For Lily Evans.</p><p>What a bitch.</p><p>How the girl even got into an upper level Ancient Runes class was beyond Sirius. Although, he suspected she may have cashed in a favor with Slughorn. </p><p>Sirius scrawled a note and passive aggressively leaned over Lily’s (HIS) desk to hand it to Remus. Lily, not so subtly, tried to read it, so Sirius let her.</p><p>Of course, it was all runes. Her frustrated glare felt like a soothing balm to his ego.</p><p><em> To be of -- a far place -- within the craftsmanship -- of the knowing of -- the eldest sticks and fruits -- </em> was the direct translation. Of course, it meant something closer to <em> wanna skive off Arithmancy? </em></p><p>Lily was trying to look up the first rune in the glossary of her textbook, but Sirius knew she wouldn’t really get it. He leaned back in his seat and watched Remus bite his quill. There was ink on his bottom lip but he didn’t seem to notice.</p><p>Sirius had the sudden, alarming, urge to wipe it away. Maybe with his own lips. </p><p>He shook himself. The Valentine’s fever must be spreading. But when Remus reluctantly nodded over Lily’s head, Sirius felt a relieved shiver run through him.</p><p>He really hated losing his seat.</p><p>So he skived Muggle Studies (in which, he was supposed to help James complete the Astronomy homework, ha) and Remus skived Arithmancy, and they wandered down the sloping snowy hills toward the Forbidden Forest.</p><p>The walk was comfortable, if nippy. Remus pulled a chocolate lolly out of his pocket and offered it to Sirius, but it was more out of manners than a true offer so Remus popped it into his mouth after only pausing a second. He knew Sirius struggled with chocolate, a downside of turning into a dog.</p><p>They walked slowly until they were far enough into the forest that they could no longer see the castle. They sat on a large rock that was mostly free of snow thanks to the thick canopy above them. The light was muted and it was warmer here, with the trees so tightly knit around each other. Sirius closed his eyes and took a deep breath. </p><p>Hogwarts was his home. But sometimes it was suffocating.</p><p>Remus started reading out loud from his History of Magic textbook in a sort of tradition they had started their first year. </p><p>“And so the third giant-wizarding war began in 1498 when Warlock Gregor Ithsbur killed three giant children…”</p><p>“Oh, I know this one. No, it was because the giant children were rampaging a wizarding village. Warlock Ithsbur saved them by killing the giants. <em> Of course </em>.” </p><p>“Oh, of course. And Warlock Ithsbur,” Remus paused to suck his lolly and Sirius felt compelled to watch. He wondered if this was the reaction that Slytherin girl had hoped for with her Sugar Quill.</p><p>He wondered why this wasn’t his reaction with the Sugar Quill. “-- went on to slaughter not only more giants, but also Muggles in great numbers. Until a giant killed him by stepping on him.”</p><p>“Oh, no, no. Warlock Ithsbur was a hero who eradicated violent giant colonies and used Muggles as bait to lure them away from innocent wizards. And because of his noble deeds, he was granted immortality, and never died.”</p><p>Remus looked up from the book, mouth slack with surprise. “You don’t really believe that?” </p><p>Sirius nodded somberly. “He may even walk among us today.” He hoped Remus didn’t see the small upturn of his lips.</p><p>“You’re taking the piss!” Remus laughed and pushed Sirius off the rock. </p><p>“Pfft, of course I am! Pureblood history is crazy but it’s not that crazy!” Sirius scoffed and brushed the damp dirt from his robes. “We just say Ithsbur died in a daring battle. But getting stepped on sounds more likely, doesn’t it?”</p><p>This tradition had started their first year of school, when Remus had asked to read Sirius’ History of Magic essay and found it had conflicted severely with his own. Remus thought it was funny that purebloods had their own revisionist history books and mixing their textbook with Sirius’ commentary was the only way the Marauders could get through their reading assignments. And, thanks to his tutors, pureblood history was one of the many things he had memorized.</p><p>Sirius watched Remus sigh and relax in the muted sunlight that casted patchy shadows across his face that swayed as the breeze ruffled the pine needles above them. </p><p>.  .  .</p><p>.  .  .</p><p>Unfortunately (fortunately?) the whole being followed by girls thing kept on going. Except, it seemed, the desperation of it all was escalating.</p><p>Sirius had been pushed into several broom cupboards and empty classrooms, with sticky hands grabbing his arms and wet mouths attacking his tightly closed lips.</p><p>And really, it was becoming exhausting. And the routine of it was scaring him. It was always “Darling, make a reservation next time, I’m far too busy right now,” or “I’m flattered but don’t you have a boyfriend?” or once, when he had been daringly tripped and then dragged away from an unamused Remus, “Um, fuck off you sweaty hag.”</p><p>It got to the point where he was always on edge. Waiting. The other day a girl had sneezed behind him and he’d hexed her.</p><p>He needed Valentine’s Day to pass before he ended up in Azkaban.</p><p>But, even worse, his friends seemed to buy into it all. Which, sure, was flattering because Sirius was trying to act like he loved it and it was nice to know he could still fool his closest companions. But the compliments James and Peter showered him in for his apparent “snog spree” were meaningless. Sirius only cared about the fact that Remus seemed to be giving him a berth of space. And really, the Marauders rarely acknowledged appropriate personal space bubbles, so Remus putting at least forty centimeters between them at all times was…</p><p>Aggravating?</p><p>Unfair?</p><p>Heart-breaking? Hmm, no. That would be weird.</p><p>It was frustrating. And Sirius had had enough. He might not know how to make the girls stop acting like he was dumping love potion into their pumpkin juice but he could make Remus act normal.</p><p>Probably… well, he can at least try. He found Remus in the library. The boy had his robe behind him on the back of his chair. His white shirt sleeves were scrunched up around his elbows and his tie was loose. Several large books sat open on the table around him and he was obviously frustrated if his chewed-on quill was anything to go by. But perhaps the most alluring part of the scene was the way Remus was glowing from the golden afternoon light streaming through the window behind him.</p><p>He might need to visit the library more often.</p><p>Sirius plopped down in the seat across from Remus, he briefly considered putting his feet on the table but decided getting mud on Remus’ books probably wasn’t the best way to go about this. So instead he leaned forward on his elbows and waited for Remus to acknowledge him.</p><p>And waited.</p><p>Finally the boy said, without looking away from his essay, “This isn’t your usual stomping ground.”</p><p>“I’m related to, like, half of the school.” And that was not what he intended to say, but then, his brain to mouth filter has always been dreadful.</p><p>Remus actually looked up, eyebrow arched in surprise. “Pardon?”</p><p>Well, might as well go with it. “I’m related to a good number of people at this school. So, I couldn’t just go on some crazy snogging spree.”</p><p>Remus was looking at him like he just admitted to enjoying Hippogriff porn.</p><p>“That’s what everyone is saying. That I’m snogging girls.”</p><p>“I know. I’ve heard… I’ve seen.” Remus seemed to decide his essay was easier to glare at than Sirius. </p><p>“But I’m not!” Sirius shouted before getting shushed by Madam Pince. “I’m not,” he whispers again and leans even further over the table, fully out of his seat at this point. Remus picks up his quill and starts writing again.</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>“I’m serious,” and it says a lot about how determined he was to not smirk at this pun. “I’ve never snogged anyone!” Which, oops, was probably an overshare. He quickly looked around to see if anyone was listening in. There was a seventh year Hufflepuff a few tables over but he seemed to be asleep.</p><p>The slightly embarrassing confession wasn’t for nothing, though. Remus had paused in his writing and was now making eye contact with him again.</p><p>Sirius was vaguely aware that this whole situation was very odd. He wasn’t sure why Remus cared if he was snogging girls. James and Peter didn’t mind, they even supported it. So what about it made Remus angry? </p><p>Sirius understood James. He understood what made the boy tick. James was the one who was a complete softy wrapped up in arrogance and bravado and archaic chivalry, he baked treacle tarts with his mum, pined after Lily Evans and had an unhealthy obsession with Quidditch. He thrived on breaking curfew, planning pranks, and was the best partner in crime Sirius could have hoped for.</p><p>Sirius understood Peter. Peter was a Chudley Cannons fan (enough said) and he bit the heads off his jelly slugs and took forever to learn new spells and blushed whenever Alice smiled at him and was endlessly loyal and quite the git when he wanted to be.</p><p>And Sirius liked to think he understood Remus. But then something like this would happen and Sirius would have to reconsider everything.</p><p>“Okay.” Remus finally conceded softly. Obviously seeing something in Sirius’ expression that he trusted.</p><p>Sirius settled into his seat, thankful their conversation hadn’t been interrupted by another love-crazed girl. “Y’know I’m related to James?”</p><p>Remus sighed and rolled up his parchment, the sign that he had given up on finishing his homework for the time being. Sirius just continued on, “Yeah, he’s something like my great great great great uncle.” Suddenly, a familiar body was falling into the seat next to him.</p><p>“Hey, nephew.” James laughed, ruffling Sirius’ long hair. “So, game plan, boys. I need your help to woo Evans before Valentine’s Day.”</p><p>Remus groaned and slumped, face first into a dusty tome about… giants? Sirius frowned at it. “Shut it, twat,” James slapped Remus’ curly head with the parchment he’d just rolled up.</p><p>“James, my deer friend,” James grinned at his pun. “We love you. But you already scared Evans out of Divination. Leave the poor girl alone.”</p><p>And really, having Lily in Ancient Runes was officially The Worst. Watching her butcher the translations was bad, but watching Remus help her fix her mistakes over and over and over made Sirius want to poke his own eyes out with a dull quill.</p><p>“How did you find us?” Remus asked, his head still on the book in some sort of desperate attempt to avoid another conversation about Lily Evans. It was very ostrich-esque.</p><p>James pulled a piece of parchment from his pocket and waved it at them. “I couldn’t find you guys on the map, so I figured you were here.”</p><p>Remus finally looked up, thoughtful. “We really should finish that.”</p><p>“Sorry, Moony, we’ve been a bit preoccupied researching our --” Sirius spots Madam Pince spying behind a nearby bookshelf and frantically tries to think of something to say that isn’t <em> illegal animagi transformations, </em>“-- changing… bodies.”</p><p>James and Remus looked like they’d sucked lemons.</p><p>“Right,” Remus said after a long pause, “Well that <em> research </em> is finished now. So we might as well get back to the map.”</p><p>“Easy for you to say, you’re not the one who has to write everything.”</p><p>“Sirius, we’ve been over this. You’re the only one who’s had calligraphy lessons.”</p><p>“Wormtail can write in cursive, he could help out!”</p><p>Remus turned to James. “Where <em> is </em> Peter?” And Sirius had been a bit preoccupied but he supposed it was weird that Peter wasn’t here with them. His social anxiety didn’t usually allow him to stray from one of his friends.</p><p>“Oh, um, he’s with what’s-her-name, that Hufflepuff fourth year that said she’d go to Hogsmeade with him on Valentine’s.”</p><p>“Reyna Abbot.” Sirius supplied but held back from admitting she had grabbed his arse during the Quidditch match a few days ago.</p><p>“Yeah! Which brings us back to the problem, gentlemen. Worms has a date and we don’t. So step one: get Evans to go to Hogsmeade with me. Step two: get you tossers dates.”</p><p>“Wow, <em> thanks </em>.”</p><p>“Shut up, Pads.”</p><p>“I’d rather not have a date, actually.” Remus said it quietly and started closing all the open books around him. “What with the moon, and all.” The full moon was going to fall the day after Valentine’s this year, and Remus was always so tired around the change.</p><p>Sirius hummed in agreement. “Let’s just not bother.” He really didn’t understand everyone’s need to partner up this year anyways. They had never had dates before. Sirius and James helped Remus put his books back, James whining the whole time.</p><p>“C’mooon Pads, you know how to get girls. I need some advice here--”</p><p>Sirius watched Remus catch the staircase that would take him to Gryffindor tower.</p><p>“--what’s better, poetry or singing toads? Because I could see her liking either, but --”</p><p>“Alright! Fine! We can make a plan!” Sirius gave in, resigned to his fate, and together the boys walked to their detention with Professor Sprout.</p><p>.  .  .</p><p>.  .  .</p><p>The plan did not work.</p><p>It turned out that Lily Evans had a (fatal) billywig allergy.</p><p>So instead of being charmed by the swarm James set loose in the girls’ dorms, she was terrified.</p><p>The blood-curdling screams and shrieks of “protego” had rang about the common room to the Marauders’ horror. </p><p>.  .  .</p><p>.  .  .</p><p>But despite James being in detention indefinitely, (between McGonagall’s rage and Mrs. Potter’s surprisingly dark howler,) Valentine’s Day wasn’t totally awful.</p><p>Peter had gone off to Hogsmeade with Reyna and left Sirius and Remus in their dorm. The two boys had made the unanimous decision to not leave the room for the rest of the day.</p><p>“Padfoot,” Remus sighed distractedly as he smoked the Muggle joint, “Do you ever think about how life could have been?”</p><p>Sirius watched his friend. Remus was lying on the cold stone floor, it looked incredibly uncomfortable. Especially the day before the full moon. But Remus said that the muggle drug took pain away. From his spot on his bed, Sirius threw a miniature bubble-gum wrapper plane at his friend. “Could have been what?”</p><p>Remus giggled. “Could, y’know, could have been different. Like, if different things happened.”</p><p>Sirius grinned at his friend. “I think that’s just how life goes, Moony.” </p><p>“Mmmm. But like. Big things, y’know. Like. What if we weren’t friends?”</p><p>And that seemed utterly impossible. “Well, it would take a lot for me to not be your friend Moons.”</p><p>The room was very warm, with yellow sunlight bouncing off of the red curtains creating a pink glow. And Remus’ smoke (which smelled terrible, how did Muggles stand it?) was making everything hazy and soft. </p><p>“Hmmm. More than me being a werewolf.” Remus stared at the ceiling like he was trying to rearrange the bricks with the power of his mind. “What if I wasn’t a werewolf?”</p><p>Sirius wasn’t sure what Remus wanted him to say. “It wouldn’t change us. We’d still be friends.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“If I want to be your friend when you’re a werewolf, why wouldn’t I want to be your friend if you weren’t one?” Remus got to his feet, although he was tilting a little to the left, and moved to sit on Sirius’ bed. </p><p>Sirius’ shoulder was brushing Remus’ elbow when he asked “We’re not just friends… because your parents hate werewolves?”</p><p>
  <em> We’re not just friends… because your parents hate werewolves? </em>
</p><p>Sirius felt a lot of things. <em> Shock, anger, doubt, anger, grief, anger, sadness, anger, hopelessness. </em>They flooded through him at an alarming rate.</p><p>He wanted to hit Remus. He wanted to hug Remus. He wanted to run away. </p><p>But running away was more Remus’ style than Sirius’. So instead, he grabbed his friend, pinned him against his bed, leaned close to his face and said “Of course not. Fuck you. Do you really think so little of me?”</p><p>Granted, Sirius did do a lot of things just to piss off his parents. But this? His friends were the one, pure thing in his life. The one thing he had to himself, the one thing that brought him comfort when he was locked in his room during breaks. The one thing that made everything else worth it. And here Remus was, doubting his loyalties. Like he would ditch him if a cure was found one day. Like he wasn’t his brother just as much as James or Peter was.</p><p>It hurt.</p><p>Remus pushed him off, for all the pain and fatigue he felt before the full, he was a lot stronger as it approached. The boy grabbed his face, his golden eyes staring into Sirius’ gray. An inky thumb caressed his cheek tenderly and slowly dipped to lightly press against his lips. </p><p>“No.” Then Remus was giggling again. “Can I braid your hair?” Sirius felt a headache coming on, but Remus didn’t seem to realize he was giving Sirius emotional whiplash.</p><p>“Only if I can have some of whatever that is.”</p><p>Remus rewarded him with a lopsided grin but instead of passing the joint he leaned down and kissed Sirius where his thumb had been only a moment before.</p><p>Sirius froze.</p><p>Remus froze.</p><p>Then, with too much eagerness and no finesse, Sirius kissed him back. There were far too many teeth involved and Remus’ joint burned a hole in the comforter but Sirius couldn’t care less.</p><p>Because kissing Remus felt like Christmas and summertime and sleepovers and quiet mornings all wrapped into one act. It was safe and comforting and thrilling and addictive.</p><p>And he never wanted to stop.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i'm sure if you've made it this far you've noticed this series is weird and random, it was bits and pieces of a long fic i was writing but gave up on sooo yeah</p></blockquote></div></div>
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